It takes two to Tango. Just one to feel complete.
Having thrown this idea into the ring, let's see if it can punch above its weight. Consider the following statements that we've heard in popular culture, literature and/or the streets we live in:
You complete me!
Without you, my life has no meaning.
If you leave, I will simply die.
This family of statements has a million members. We've all heard them. We've all used them. And under the intoxicating influence of our deepest emotions, we use these statements to create our absolute realities. We believe that such heartfelt words deserve our utmost respect, for they transcend our individual selves. That's just one perspective. Let's try another.
When you say that another person must exist - in a particular way, playing a particular role etc - in order to complete you, you are also saying: "A vacuum exists within me which you are obligated to fill." Unfortunately, even the most complying vacuum-filler - in other words, a person who "loves you to death" - cannot possibly fill 100% of this vacuum. Sooner or later, the remnant vacuum will increase in volume and demand to be refilled - by the same person or another person. The vacuum-filler could even be a non-human entity such as toy/money/knowledge/health/fame etc. The result remains the same.
This is a dead-end approach because it tries to cancel a negative instead of fostering a positive. Even the generosity of the incomplete person in the relationship (be it with a human or non-human entity) will be based on this negative. How fulfilling can such a relationship be for either parties?
On the other hand, if we feel complete all by ourselves, then our every pursuit can be derived from a positive.
"I am complete by myself, and I will enrich my life further by adding you/this thing/that thing to it."
As always, this is easier said than done. How does one feel complete by oneself? Perhaps the true saints know how. The rest of us will have to figure it out. I, for one, stumble along, experience intense breakdowns, gather myself again and stumble along some more. It helps to realize that Life isn't a designer garment - meant to come in a particular shape, colour, size, form and texture.
I am a Work In Progress. And in those moments when I operate out of awareness, I will discover that I am a complete person. I will make a habit of feeling complete till one day - perhaps - I will no longer recall the trauma of incompleteness.
This re-adjustment of mental reality seems artificial doesn't it? However, we practice a similar re-adjustment to our physical reality as a matter of course. Don't we adjust to different surfaces while walking? Don't we maneuver our bodies such that they serve us in every gait and situation? For some reason, we seldom have trouble with the fact that our centre of gravity keeps shifting. Perhaps the same suppleness is possible in the realm of thoughts and emotions...
What do you think?
Having thrown this idea into the ring, let's see if it can punch above its weight. Consider the following statements that we've heard in popular culture, literature and/or the streets we live in:
You complete me!
Without you, my life has no meaning.
If you leave, I will simply die.
This family of statements has a million members. We've all heard them. We've all used them. And under the intoxicating influence of our deepest emotions, we use these statements to create our absolute realities. We believe that such heartfelt words deserve our utmost respect, for they transcend our individual selves. That's just one perspective. Let's try another.
When you say that another person must exist - in a particular way, playing a particular role etc - in order to complete you, you are also saying: "A vacuum exists within me which you are obligated to fill." Unfortunately, even the most complying vacuum-filler - in other words, a person who "loves you to death" - cannot possibly fill 100% of this vacuum. Sooner or later, the remnant vacuum will increase in volume and demand to be refilled - by the same person or another person. The vacuum-filler could even be a non-human entity such as toy/money/knowledge/health/fame etc. The result remains the same.
This is a dead-end approach because it tries to cancel a negative instead of fostering a positive. Even the generosity of the incomplete person in the relationship (be it with a human or non-human entity) will be based on this negative. How fulfilling can such a relationship be for either parties?
On the other hand, if we feel complete all by ourselves, then our every pursuit can be derived from a positive.
"I am complete by myself, and I will enrich my life further by adding you/this thing/that thing to it."
As always, this is easier said than done. How does one feel complete by oneself? Perhaps the true saints know how. The rest of us will have to figure it out. I, for one, stumble along, experience intense breakdowns, gather myself again and stumble along some more. It helps to realize that Life isn't a designer garment - meant to come in a particular shape, colour, size, form and texture.
I am a Work In Progress. And in those moments when I operate out of awareness, I will discover that I am a complete person. I will make a habit of feeling complete till one day - perhaps - I will no longer recall the trauma of incompleteness.
This re-adjustment of mental reality seems artificial doesn't it? However, we practice a similar re-adjustment to our physical reality as a matter of course. Don't we adjust to different surfaces while walking? Don't we maneuver our bodies such that they serve us in every gait and situation? For some reason, we seldom have trouble with the fact that our centre of gravity keeps shifting. Perhaps the same suppleness is possible in the realm of thoughts and emotions...
What do you think?
