Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The great Indian politician

Pic Credit:
On the 70th anniversary of India's independence, I bow in reverence to the Indian politician.
India might be known for its software professionals, artists, writers, musicians and scientists, but these professionals cannot hold a candle to the astonishing success attained by the nation's politicians.

The biggest sign of success is that the Indian politician, in spite of being a service-provider, has managed to conquer his customer, the Indian citizen. There is evidence to back this statement:

1) Most customers have zero or minimal expectations from him. They don't expect his services to deliver high quality or even adhere to basic benchmarks of functionality.
  • They avoid the educational institutions he provides because they understand the importance of education
  • They shun the healthcare he provides because they understand the importance of breathing
  • If they must use the trains he provides them, they will close their eyes to the filth and inefficiencies that meet their eye
  • They have decided that it is not his job to provide clean drinking water and uninterrupted power supply
  • They would have avoided the roads he gives them, but not all of them can afford to fly here and there. After all, jetpacks are still a decade away from widespread use
2) Most customers are deathly scared of him
He has agents at his disposal who will keep checking whether you've paid him money for the "services" he is providing you
He will make you sweat blood if you do not possess all of the quadrillion documents that prove that you are his willing customer for life

3) Most customers don't expect him to behave professionally. Which means he can plunder, lie, cheat on his partner, go to jail and change his stance faster than a dancer.

4) Most customers vaguely understand that he can treat them as puppets and they are powerless about it. They have unresolved past issues about God, food, language, caste. Like an evil counselor, he will bring these suppressed emotions to the surface. At that point, your violent catharsis will help his cause. Just as you settle back into your docile suppressed avatar, he will call you for another "therapy" session and you won't be able to refuse him. He knows all your buttons.
5) Most customers believe that ignoring him is the biggest sign of being a grown-up. Only childish people whine about the quality of services he is offering you. Come to think of it, he is the disapproving parent who can level you with his eyes. He will look at you over his glass of whiskey and say: maybe it's time you go to a corner and think about what you did.

Yes, our great Indian politician is our God, our parent, our strict teacher and our demanding boss all rolled into one.
With multiple threads of power at his disposal, it is little wonder that he is the most successful professional Independent India has produced. In a duel between him and his customers, his survival is mandatory. And, oh, he acquires approximately 70,000 new customers every day.
We should sing an anthem dedicated to him before every film.